From Chaos to Connection: Healing Attachment Wounds and Embracing Self

I am an immigrant from China. I came from a family with my divorced biological parents and chaotic environments that contributed to--what I learned much later in life--my developmental and attachment trauma. Poverty, immigration, discrimination, and ongoing family burdens have been major challenges I have faced in my life. In the past 10 years, I have worked on understanding attachment theory, becoming more aware of my own attachment wounds and their impacts on my tendencies and patterns in interpersonal relationships, building coping strategies to change and shift some of these tendencies and patterns, and learning to build healthier relationships with others. I’m grateful that I was able to shift from a disorganized attachment type to a mostly secure attachment type through hard work. However, I also recognized that some people’s behavior can still trigger some beliefs, thoughts, and emotions from the anxious type, so more work needs to be done.

Through a combination of my own learning in healing modalities, trauma processing, support from and to others, and spiritual healing, I was able to have a voice… then, I was able to set boundaries better…then, I was able to build deep, authentic connections with others who could reciprocate…then, I was able to look even deeper inside…then, I was able to embrace myself better. It was not linear, and they didn’t come all at once. It’s possible :) One step at a time! Pain can happen as part of the healing process and journey, just like the experiences of recovery from a medical procedure, but it’s not the end result. When we can see through this, pain gives a deeper meaning.

Anonymous